John pushed the horny button
by Humunanunga
Summary: John pushed the horny button. (Sexual scene.)


**John pushed the horny button.  
**John Egbert x Karkat Vantas  
Rated M for sexual scene.

"The doors open up, and all I see and, like, fifteen horrified-looking people, just- _horrified_- okay? And they're staring at a guy backing into the elevator, and all I see and hear is, besides all these people being horrified is him going '_FINE! KISS MY ASS! KISS MY ASS!_' And he gets in, he hits a button, the doors close, and I'm _alooone_ with him..."  
The screen hooked to Karkat's laptop continues to ramble Dane Cook's stand-up comedy at close to full volume, casting the only light in the room.  
Karkat's eyes have been flickering slowly to a close for the past ten minutes, hardly aware of the comedian anymore.  
Until his ear flicks at a sound just barely audible above the speakers.  
Karkat blinks back to wakefulness and sits fully upright. He looks to his side past the back of the couch and squints at the dark, thinking he heard his name. From what he can see of the block, dim as it is, he sees no one. His eyes are still adjusted for the brightness of the monitor. Karkat slowly turns back to the screen and stares at the remote.  
_MAYBE I SHOULD TURN THIS OFF NOW...  
_Both of Karkat's ears flick. Now he knows he heard his name. He peers over again confusedly, still seeing no one. And again he hears his name.  
"karkat, up here."  
Karkat shoots his eyes up.  
"JOHN?"  
Karkat looks up at John hovering above him. For the life of him, he cannot discern the unfamiliar expression on his face.  
"JOHN. FOR FUCK'S SAKE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING."  
"uh..."  
"UH, WHAT?"  
John almost says more but decides against it. He simply drifts down into Karkat's lap without another word.  
"UH... JOHN? ARE YOU FEELING OKAY?"  
John takes Karkat's face into his hands, causing Karkat to widen his eyes and blush.  
"...W-WH..."  
John pauses thoughtfully, then kisses Karkat. Karkat, surprised, lifts his hands but stops and accepts it. For all the sudden mystery, he cannot bring himself against this. Curiosity silently eats at him. One hand runs through Karkat's hair. Two other hands take John's shoulder and waist.  
John finally pulls away and stares at Karkat cryptically.  
"...SERIOUSLY, JOHN, WHAT'S GOING ON ALL OF A SU-"  
John suddenly turns Karkat's head down and slowly begins to lick one of his horns.  
"OH GOD, JOHN, WAIT- THOSE- JOHN YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THAT-_A-AAAAAAH_..."  
Karkat's eyes shut tight, but one reopens to a squint. He tightens his grip on John.  
"J... JOHN... S-SERIOUSLY... IF YOU DON'T S-STOP... I _CANNOT_... I... _I'LL LOSE ALL REASON AND_... I C-CA-A-A-A-_AAAH_- I _CAN'T_ BE RESPONSIB-BLE FOR WHAT HAPPENS NEXT..."  
The hand in Karkat's hair finds the other horn. John's tongue wraps around the first. Karkat, feeling all the red blood burn through his head, tries to hold his breath. With the other hand on the side of Karkat's jaw, John's thumb strokes Karkat's lip to request him not to. Karkat at first responds with a sharp inhale, but brings himself to let go. His breath escapes in loud stutters.  
The hand on John's shoulder slips down before climbing further up to the rim of his hood. His fingers close in on it and tug it down, bringing John slightly closer. Karkat reaches for the corner of John's exposed neck and closes his lips around it as he begins to purr. John responds with a sugary sigh and leans forward to make Karkat lean back. Karkat's shoulders touch the throw pillows against the arm of the couch. He makes an attempt to pull the hood further down, but changes his approach and traverses his claws up the interior of the shirt. John slides his free hand down Karkat's chest to the ribs, to the stomach, to between the thighs, and gives a squeeze.  
Karkat, startled, jumps and half-yelps. His hands seize for a moment and accidentally claw into John's side and stomach. Realizing the scratches he made, he yanks himself back.  
"OH GOD I'M SO SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN-"  
John sets the higher hand's index and middle fingers on Karkat's lips , thumb below.  
"-no, ssssssssh, ssh-ssh-ssh, it's okay. it's okay. don't worry about it, i'm fine."  
Karkat pulls one hand the rest of the way out of John's shirt to move John's hand down.  
"JOHN... WHAT IS WITH YOU RIGHT NOW? I MEAN... I'M NOT SAYING I HAVE ANY COMPLAINTS, IT'S JUST... I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU ACT LIKE THIS. SO... WHY?"  
John says nothing for a minute. He draws a long breath before he speaks.  
"i... i don't know. it's just... umm... it just felt right? i don't know how else to explain it. like, uh... like now was the time for... well, _this_. i just know..."  
The hand in Karkat's strokes his jawline. John glides the lower hand further down and back. Karkat gives another sharp inhale and squints for a moment.  
"...i just know i want for this to happen... i mean... if that's okay with you."  
John stares through his glasses at Karkat. Karkat lets go of John's hand to stroke his face back.  
"JOHN..." Karkat's voice fluctuates in two simultaneous tones, purring again but softly. "IT _IS _OKAY. I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING WITH _YOU_ IS OKAY... YOU ARE, RIGHT?"  
John smiles and runs the higher hand back through Karkat's hair, closing and opening it.  
"i am. even more now than i was before."  
John kisses Karkat and they close eyes. The hand on John's face glides through his hair as well before they both descend to John's waist, to his thighs, to his knees, to the other hand and guides it to the pants button. Against each other's fingers, still kissing, they undo the button together. Their hearts hammer against their chests. Karkat's hand undoes the zipper as John's slips under it.  
Karkat gasps again through his nose with a muffled moan. The stimuli are too much; he needs to pull back for more air. John gently pulls his tongue away with a tug, licking Karkat's upper lip. Karkat takes the opportunity to take off his sweater and John's shirt, with the help of one of John's hands. The removed bundle of feverish body heat offers instant relief, to which Karkat draws out a long sigh.  
Karkat brings himself to reopen his eyes and sees the scratches he left. They are red alright, but he did not actually claw John as hard as he thought. He drew no blood. Karkat still struggles with guilt, but John takes one of Karkat's hands from his own thighs and lays it over the stratch on his waist with a gentle smile.  
"see, it doesn't hurt; don't worry about it."  
The gesture appeases Karkat's conscience, and he relaxes. John leaves Karkat's hand where it is and traces all the way up the arm past the shoulder and up the neck into the hair. The lower hand gives another squeeze and makes Karkat breathe another drawn-out groan.  
John returns to licking and rubbing Karkat's horns as Karkat shakily pulls down John's pants and boxer-briefs. John repositions to kneeling over Karkat, whose purrs continue to deepen, to allow him to pull them further down. John takes a moment from pleasuring Karkat to pull off Karkat's pants in turn and even both their socks.  
All garments are finally removed.  
They both take a moment to stare at each other, faces flushed, observing their similarities and differences. They notice John's nipples and Karkat's lack thereof; the abdominal dip that is John's navel and the narrow, inward seam down Karkat's entire front, from collar bone to just above his bone bulge; the pale scars they had both received as stab wounds from their respective Jack Noirs; and finally their bone bulges. Overall, aside from color or the presence or absence of hair, they appear to be almost identical.  
Karkat takes another reverberating breath. "...SO I GUESS THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING."  
"yeah. yeah, it is. we're really doing this."  
Karkat knots his brow and glances down and back to John's face three or four times.  
"...WAIT. AM I- I CAN'T TELL FROM THIS POS- 'CAUSE- IT COULD BE EITHER, REALLY- UH- WHICH OF US IS... UH... ENTERING...?"  
John tilts his head with half-closed eyes and a smile. He leans in and whispers into Karkat's ear.  
"...you decide."  
John leans back to face Karkat again. Karkat stares at John for a moment. John notices how much color Karkat's eyes have taken on. The red has almost taken over the grey pigment entirely.  
"I..." Karkat finds his voice reducing to a whisper. "...lean back."  
John smiles and complies. He leans back whilst holding Karkat's waist as Karkat uses John's shoulders to sit himself up. When they are both sitting upright, legs crossed over one another's, bone bulges touching, they pause for a moment and smile again at each other. Karkat kisses John, gently pushes him further back and leans forward with him. They scoot back slightly until they reach the other shallow arm of the couch, and Karkat slides his hands down past John's nipples to just below his chest, changing their hold from John to the couch.  
They pull away again to take a breath and stare directly at each other for the drum-roll that says "this is it," their hearts playing the deafening drums against their chests.  
Karkat finds initial penetration relatively easy; trolls' bone bulges perspire just before sexual contact, and just enough to make entry an effortless task. John seizes for a moment and makes a sharp gasp. His comparatively short, dull nails dig into Karkat's spine and leave tiny crescent impressions, but are hardly noticed. Karkat's talons sink deep into the cushion on either side of John's ribs. He was careful _not_ to be holding John prior for exactly this reason.  
John's hands run rigidly up and down Karkat's spine, from past the tail bone all the way to his scalp. His toes spread and curl. His heels press against the couch like a cheese grater. Karkat's loud purring echoes through John's entire body. For a third time, he discovers Karkat's horns and closes his hands around them again.  
When Karkat is finally confident that he will not gouge straight through the fragile human, he in turn closes one hand around John's exposed bone bulge, at which point nothing can prevent for any longer the moan that escapes John, and continues to escape between erratic inhales.  
Nor can anything prevent Karkat's.  
John arches his back and wraps his legs tightly around Karkat, who picks John's waist up to pull him into each thrust.  
John tries to say Karkat's name between breaths a few times, but cannot find enough air to finish.  
Karkat eventually lowers John again and next uses his shoulders for leverage.  
John brings Karkat closer to himself.  
Karkat glides his hands across John's chest and stomach.  
John kisses Karkat's neck.  
Karkat does the same.  
John makes a large gasp.  
Karkat circles one hand's fingers around John's nipple.  
"_k... a-aaah..."  
_Karkat takes John's bone bulge into his other hand again. Karkat's hand follows the motion of his hips.  
"_...ka-a-aaah..._"  
John releases Karkat's neck with a prolonged lick and draws out a longer moan.  
John squeezes Karkat's horns.  
"_k... k-karkat..._"  
John finally says Karkat's name.  
It is so fortunate, so, so very fortunate, that the couch just so happens to be a vibrant shade of red.

...

John wakes once for perhaps ten minutes, the first two of which he spends reregistering where he is. Karkat is limp like a slinky old ragdoll over him, with his face buried into the side of John's neck. He is still inside. John smiles to himself at the memory.  
John tries not to move and disturb Karkat as he decides to fall back asleep when he notices Karkat begin to twitch.  
Dreaming?  
Karkat whimpers under his breath.  
Nightmare. He still dreams on the increasingly rare occasion about the Horrorterrors.  
John supposes to himself this is why he woke. He lifts one hand and runs it through Karkat's hair. He is still unsure how light or hard a sleeper Karkat is.  
"hey..."  
He lifts the other hand and pats Karkat on the shoulder blade.  
"hey. karkat, wake up."  
Karkat wakes up with a tiny sound and sleepily looks up at John.  
"you were having a bad dream." John continues to stroke Karkat.  
Karkat relaxes with a deep sigh and purrs under his breath as he stretches his body out and curls lazily back in. In another minute, he is a ragdoll again.  
_oh my fucking god do you have any idea how fucking adorable you are.  
_John sighs, pulls the feather-down blanket fully back over their shoulders and relaxes as well until he is also asleep again.

...

John is again the first to wake. He lies there for a few minutes, savoring the leisurely moment arm-in-arm with his lover. He finally takes a deep inhale, causing the same inhale from Karkat as they both stretch and Karkat makes a sleepy sound of having just woken up. Karkat's face is buried entirely past John's shoulder until it rises back up to face him with a groggy smile. His solid red eyes are still enlarged like a kitten's.  
"hey there," John half-whispers.  
"HEY THERE, FUCKASS."  
They both laugh in whispers.  
"so i don't know about you but... i am _so_ hungry right now."  
They laugh again.  
"THEN GO GET YOUR LAZY ASS UP AND FIND YOUR OWN GODDAMN FOOD, HAHAHA."  
"haha, well i _would_, but there's this naked troll flopped over me, and he might try to bite me or some shit."  
"OH, REALLY, _BITE_ YOU NOW? YOU CARE TO FIND OUT IF I _BITE?_"  
"no, no, haha, _oh god, no!_ _ahahahahaha!_"  
Karkat nibbles the corner of John's neck ticklishly, causing John to flail helplessly and squirm from under Karkat until he falls off the edge of the couch, catching the corner of the blanket under him. In his effort to free himself from the blanket, he pulls most of it off Karkat.  
"HEY, COME ON, I STILL WANT THAT!"  
"well, maybe it's a sign you should be helping me find my clothes instead so i can actually leave the room for food without horrifying, say, my _sister_ and my _best bro_ and whoever the fuck else might be walking around?"  
"OH, I DUNNO, MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST WALK AROUND LIKE THAT. I NEVER REALLY _DID_ GET WHAT YOUR RACE'S DEAL WAS ABOUT NUDITY. YOU CAN SAY YOU'RE EMBRACING CULTURAL MIXTURE BY INTRODUCING ALTERNIAN WHO-GIVES-A-FUCK-IF-YOU'RE-NAKED PERSPECTIVES."  
"that's just called nudism and most places on earth had-slash-have that outlawed! streaking is illegal!"  
"OH, WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING WE'RE NOT ON MOTHERFUCKING _EARTH!_"  
"oops, too late, found my pants and my shirt. get we'll have to save that for another time."  
And they laugh some more.  
"okay, here i go, off to find some grub for this ravenous- huh?"  
As he reaches the door, John notices a note attached.

congrats on the sex egbert

you have made it happen

im so fucking proud of you i could lay an egg

like seriously

expect an omelette breakfast

you may now call yourself a man from this day forward

youve earned it

now strut that body down the catwalk like it aint nobodys business

"_STRIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEER RRRRRRR!_"  
Far down the hall and deep within the chalk streets of Can Town, a thoroughly proud smile slowly dominates Dave's face.


End file.
